Preggo Talk- 1st Trimester

What an exciting ride this TTC and pregnancy has been so far!! I went to the OBGYN in Nov for a general check up and to try and get my bleeding under control. I would "menstruate" for 8 weeks, then stop for 4, then 6 weeks, then stop for 8...just REALLY random. Turns out, I wasn't ovulating. I had given up hope on getting pregnant again, considering I havent used BC since my DD was born in 2006!

Another part to this story...In June 2011, I tipped the scale at 361lbs. I was introduced to a free app where I could track my calories- both intake and burn. It saved my life!! I'm around 255 now!! Obesity stops ovulation many times...so there you go.

Ok, back to the story...I was talking to the NP, who was soooo real with me, and she said something that turned my world around. She said, "we have a few options. Are you done having children?"
Wait...WHAT? So in shock I said, If I can, I'd like to, but I figured I couldn't anymore. She reassured me that just because my body got off track, she was certain that it remembered what to do, because I had completed a pregnancy before. She gave me meds to stop and restart my period and instructed me to come get my progesterone tested at day 23. SO I did, and shocker, I hadn't ovulated. In January 2012, I was given my first RX of clomid. Day 23, got my levels tested again and YAY, I ovulated!! Even better...my next cycle started on it's own!! I got my 2nd round of clomid in February. Again, I ovulated. This time, I ordered the bulk OPK's from Amazon to pinpoint my ovulation. Once both lines turned pink, well...you know. 2 weeks later...BFP!! Praise God!! I was esctatic!! I called my NP and she had me come in and test and shazaam...BABY TIME! My Due date is November 19, 2013!!

So, I was expecting another hellacious pregnancy. Last time...I puked daily for 7 months. SEVEN MONTHS!!! It was baaaad! I hated pregnancy and never wanted to do it again. So 7 years later...here I am again pregnant.
My symptoms this first trimester have included: extreme fatigue, nausea, indigestion, occasional dizziness, emotional, CRAZY CM, and mild constipation.
I am at week 13 today!! Yippeee!! I'm ever so thankful! This has been such a pleasant pregnancy so far!! I feel good. My tummy is a bit sensitive to some foods, but I can eat. I haven't NOT been able to eat. My weight is maintaining. My DH said that this pregnancy has been so different, because he was used to getting up with me every morning to wipe my face, and comfort me at the toilet.
I give all the praise to God and am VERY thankful for an awesome NP, that I WISH could deliver my baby she helped me get!! This is my story thus far.

I get by with a little help from my friends!

It's been well over a year since I have posted. Since my original post, I gained up to 361. Wowza!! Can you imagine? That is 40lbs away from 400lbs. Absolutely disgusting. I loathed climbing the stairs to my house or anywhere else for that matter. I became increasingly slothful AND ate like there was no tomorrow.

On June 28th, 2011, I met my parents for vacation. They showed me this iPhone app called My Fitness Pal. I checked if out and was amazed by the information it gave me. I simply had to enter what I ate and it gave me the calories. It also gave the nutrients. I was finally able to see what I was putting in my body. I decided to try it out for a while. After a week, I began dropping weight. I slowly tried to start exercising. It was summer, so I hit the pool. I would tread water for 30-45 minutes straight.

Throughout this time, my hubby was doing this alongside me and showing success as well. Fast forward to today. I now weigh 314.7 as of this morning!!! That is almost 50lbs!! A lot of prayer, dedication, tears, sweat and working out got me here. Now...I can walk 3+ miles at a time, do an entire workout and occassionally jog! I am up to jogging a block at a time! This Saturday, Ryan & I have entered a 5k together! I'm not in it for a win, I am in it for completion.

Ryan has not been the only one helping me along the way. My aunt, my parents, my sister have all taken this on together. Everyone has seen success and a better way of living. I have made wonderful friends on the My Fitness Pal community site. They provide encouragement on a daily basis and keep me motivated and in check! My daughter has been such an inspiration for me. She tells me all the time that she can tell I am losing more fat. LOL verbatim!! She goes walking with us and loves to do exercise videos! She tells us that she likes to take her lunch because the school food does not have healthy choices. Our friends and family are what gets us through!!

Diets are a joke. You just need to watch what you eat and get active. That's all. Have good friends behind you and be honest with yourself.

1 Peter 4:80"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

I don't know what to title this.

Life drains out slowly
Happiness is replaced with sorrow
Reasons for substitutions of bliss
Leave melancholic stains upon my cheeks
Hope seems out of reach
Yearning for terminal glee
Yielding unending woe

So it was brought to my attention that I have abandoned my blog...as most do. :)
We have lived in the GNO for a few days over a year now and I think this is actually becoming home. I miss Texas with ALL my heart, but I am pretty content with being here for now. With the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina a lot of the old media footage has resurfaced and I am seeing with a different perspective. I see the flood waters and peoples home and I know that in those pictures are houses...but in those houses are potentially people's loved ones. People had a general opinion that the people here had the chance to get out. Yes, those with reliable vehicles and access to transportation had a little bit of time. But everyday people like you and me were affected. So many of my clients lost their homes, families and memories in that disaster. Me? I was miffed that my mobile home was delivered late. But as I see these pictures and see places that I drive on a weekly basis...it breaks my heart and makes me realize how thankful I am for the blessings I have. Seeing those pictures makes me ache for those that lost loved ones and the phrase that comes into my heart is...that's my home. I live here. No, I wasn't here in 2005 and did not lose anyone or anything, but to see the growing pains from the disaster as well as the triumph from recovery, I feel pride for where I am now from.

Yes, New Orleans is about partying, drinking and being uninhibited.
But it is also about family, traditions, heritage, culture, togetherness and unity...those are the things I am proud to NOW be a part of. I am truly blessed.

Love Lifted Me

As you can probably tell from my blog posts, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I'm up, I'm down but mostly down. Things are headed uphill and I think things will be a bit smoother. (famous last words?? I hope not) I had such a great day today & I still continue to feel blessed and so happy with where my life is headed.
This morning started off beautifully. I woke up around 9 and yay it's Saturday. No reports to file, no copies to make. We went to the store to get stuff to make salad for SALAD BOWL I with a few ladies from church. So I get home, make it and head out the door and get to my GDO (girls day out.) We had such a great time fellowshipping, talking and sharing our lives and experiences. We had intended to play a game, but we had such a good time talking 3 hours later we realized it was time to go. :) It was so refreshing to talk with other women near my age.
Another beautiful thing that didn't directly involve me happened too. Hubby and daughter went to the bowling alley. She hasn't been since she was little bitty. We found her a cheetah print bowling ball @ a thrift store the other day and she was ready to use it. Hubby said that they got to use bumpers (lucky) and he said she would just squeal with delight when she knocked down pins. I asked her afterwards who won and she said "Both of us won, me and daddy."
After I got home...NAP TIME!! Oh it was lovely! Onlly downside...it's 2am and I am blogging. :) Weekends throw me off. Oh well, such a great day it was so worth it. We woke up and went to the store to get a few things including....Biggest Loser for the Wii. We get it home and start it up and GUESS WHAT....you dont have to use the wii board to do it! OMG...I LOVE LOVE LOVE it...and you know what folks...I worked out for 24 minutes plus warm up and cool down!! I am so proud of myself! The trainers on the game talk you through your workout and encourage and push you just like on the show. They dont let you quit. I never gave up. It felt so good.
In the cool down I was having to hold my heel and stretch my leg muscles. I cannot hold my leg...can't even reach it. My knight in shining armor came to me and helped me balance. I told him that I couldnt do it and he looked me in the eyes and told me that I was doing the very best that I could and that he was proud of me. *sigh* Yes ladies...I have Mr. Perfect.
So in all areas of my life...LOVE LIFTED ME. The love of my sisters in Christ lifted my mood and my spirits. The love of my husband lifted my heart and self-esteem. The love of myself is improving because I feel like I CAN do this with this new workout. When nothing else could help love lifted me.
Then I took a hot shower and now I am sharing my thoughts with you.

I just had an "I'm blessed" moment. I see some of my same age peers and even some that are older and younger talk about their 'exciting' lives. Traveling around the world, partying, pursuing impossible dreams in various big cities and still searching for their place in the sun. Then I look at my life: I am 25, I am married to the most AMAZING man on the earth, I have a Christ-centered marriage, we dont go to bed angry and always work any conflict out before we go to sleep. I have a a beautuful daughter who looks like a model, she is very intelligent and I am not just saying that. My husband and I both have degrees, we both have full time jobs and for the first time in our marriage, we all have health insurance. I dont NEED to travel the world or study abroad, I dont NEED to pursue an unrealistic dreams, I dont NEED to party every night. I dont NEED that kind of shallow temporary life satisfaction. I have a family. I have a GOOD family. We may have our struggles, but we are STRONG. We have been through some hard times. We have been broke, in the hole 500 or $600 for months on end. We have had electricity, water and even car insurance cut off. Ryan & I once bathed with a warmed up melted bag of ice because that was ALL the water we had when it got shut off. We've gone to food banks more than once and overcame the shame. We have been through it. And we are climbing up the mountain now. I am so happy with where we are in our lives. THings are finally starting to come together. My PMDD is not getting in the way of this job. I have worked here 2 months and not called in sick YET. That is huge for me. A big phrase in New Orleans is rebirth. Moving down here has been that for us...a Rebirth. We have found our place, our home.

Lard Donkey (to put it lightly...pun intended)

Yes my friends...that is what I feel like today. A big giant LARD ASSE (I added the E so as not to offend and refer to myself as a donkey, yes rationalization I know...lets not judge). I feel like crap. I am too freaking heavy to work out on the wii board and I just shut down. I get so depressed and down that I just give up. Thats what I did tonight. The only thing I can do on this game is jog...some of you thinner folks may say...Jogging...piece of cake. (ofcourse the fat girl references cake) But to someone my size...and my build (thunder thighs) my legs rub together and start to chafe and eventually skin breaks. It is not pleasant. So I have all this negative self talk going on right now. I am pissed at myself and am just disgusted...but what do I do? I sit down and watch them and sulk. I have no motivation today. I did until I got jealous that Ryan and Keelyn could enjoy all the games and I couldn't.

In my mind I want this so bad. I want to shop at all the places you guys shop, I want to be normal. I want to be healthy...for my daughter and any other children we might add to our family.

What is it going to take? Diabetes? heart attack, a stroke?? I am 25...there is no need for ANY of that to be a risk. I should be in the prime of my life. I just dont know if I can do this. We want to adopt soon, and I badly want to make a good impression on any birth mothers that we may meet. No pregnant teen or mother is going to want to give their child to such a large woman.